Failure

http://houhouhaha.fr/clement-goebels/citation2

 This is something that I struggle with a lot.  I am so afraid to fail that I am afraid to try.  But, as I raise my children, I don't want them to fear things or else they will miss out on so much.  Which is why I jumped into opening my own little design business and why I entered the Minted Design Challenge.  Heck no, I am not nearly as talented as Jessica Hische or ever will be, but I think I can be on par with some designers out there on Etsy.  Some of these Minted designers are incredible and I can't even compare myself to them.  I know I still have A LOT to learn with technical skills, branching out and even trying some illustrations.  I don't sell all that much on Etsy and everyday I ask myself- why?  What am I doing wrong?  I think people like my designs but why won't they buy?  Am I not as good as the others?  And then the whole self-doubt thing creeps into my head telling me to just quit.  Am I a failure because I don't sell nearly as much as I would like?  Am I a failure because I didn't even make it past the first round of voting on Minted?  I seriously don't know. 

I love designing and creating new things.  I would love to do it everyday for 8 hrs if I could!  But, I only have maybe 3 hours a day to give.  My kids are young and need me.  I take my business very seriously and put in 110% on every order.  But the stress of being good enough is getting to me.  Maybe it is good I am taking a break pretty soon to snuggle with my baby girl when she comes. 

But, then I think about this quote and remember some comments I read that other designers made about receiving high and low ratings.  Judging creativity is so subjective.  What one person values is not what someone else may- like technical skill or colors used or simple and clean vs. artistic and whimsical.  I can't let my sense of creativity be judged so much by others' opinions and deem myself a success or a failure by their standards.  It is so easy to say- just insanely difficult to do.  But, I will try because this is my passion.  And, I want my children growing up knowing that their mother was not afraid to try and fail, try and fail, and try and maybe, just maybe- succeed. 


**update: when I looked yesterday I didn't see my name on the 2nd round of voting designs. Turns out I was looking for my company name and not MY name. 1 of my designs did make it to the 2nd round! If you categorize the list by designers, I am on page 10 for those that want to vote. :) I was pretty surprised this morning when I got a notification someone liked my design since the 1st round of voting ended. Thank you for that tender mercy!